Yes.
My spelling and grammar are actually terrible. And as a author, that spells fear of failure.
I have two computer programs for corrections. But bless them, if the original word is so badly spelled that they can’t even correct it correctly, then what can they do?
I feel sorry for my two programs. And for my many readers who push through the insanity of reading such badly structured sentences, with commas, where they don’t belong, and the incredibly unhelpful use of unnecessary adjectives.
There is no way around it. My misstakes are constants and borderlyne ridiculus 🙂
Still, I write.
I get weekly feedback about my grammar. And even more difficult to digest, I get (mostly) daily feedback about my theology, my intentions and my pride.
Now, don’t you dare feel sorry for me! If I share my opinions, my experiences and my thoughts so openly, then it is only fair for those who read to do the same. I appreciate all the feedback, even from the critics (because sometimes they are more right than wrong).
Whether in the comment section of this blog, or my public Facebook, or via private messages on email, they tell me how good or bad the latest article has been.
It’s either, “Bad grammar. Bad Gospel. Bad links.”
Or, “Good challenge. Good preaching. Good stuff.”
I must admit. Occasionally, I properly feel like quitting. And this has happened in all my areas of influence. One time, a dear friend of mine, and a man I was pastoring for over a year, died of an overdose on the side of the street. I felt like a complete fraud. I not only missed my friend, I felt immense guilt for not doing more for him.
Another time, I wrote a blog post that offended some important people in my life. They were hurt by my words. They communicated that hurt truthfully and I have not been able to recover those relationships yet.
If you’ve read my article From Full Time Ministry To Full Time Misery, then you know that I have been a crappy husband and father. The journey to healing and restoration has been godly, long and tedious.
But here I stand.
With my ESL grammar, my many theological imperfections and a heart that needs the “sinners prayer” every 40 minutes (give or take).
However, I won’t stop writing.
I won’t stop preaching the good news.
I won’t stop fighting for my wife and children.
You see, the very thing that could be stopping me, is not.
I’m deeply tempted to let it … but, “Let the weakling say, “I am strong!” (Joel 3:10)
We all have legitimate hindrances. Things that need to be addressed and corrected. There is still room for improvement and self-awareness. But if we are waiting to be perfect in order to achieve anything in life, then we would never achieve anything.
You Know Why The Thing That Is Stopping You, Shouldn’t Be Stopping You?
Because there is always a reason to quit, to wait, to hold back, to not trust God.
You might not have the right diploma, or the talent, or the money… but God wants to inspire faith and forward movement in the face of lack and brokenness.
He is not looking for ability, he is looking for availability.
It might be time to fearlessly be yourself. To radically accept who you were created to be. And properly embrace your best and worst.
Trust me, you’re in the ideal season to use both sides of your story in the service of others (even while you’re still learning and growing and adjusting).
Mistakes are proof that you are trying. Your weakness is a statement of God’s strength. And you can find a way forward while eliminating the excuses that push you backwards.
We are not perfect you and me; not even close. Nonetheless, we are here, in this time and space of life. And God has trusted us with a sound and a story. This generation longs for us to sing and preach and love and write.
For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. Romans 8:19
Admit this to yourself: “I am loved by God and I have something great to offer to the world.”
Now, recognize that the fear of failure has stopped more people than failure itself.. and don’t let yourself be part of that story!
Go ahead and do what scares you until it doesn’t.
Do what’s hard until it’s easy.
Do what you’ve been called to.
Today is waiting.
Carlos A. Rodriguez is a pastor at Catch the Fire and the founder of HappySonship. His latest book is “Designed for Inheritance, A Discovery of Sonship”. He travels extensively all around the world and you can find out more at www.HappySonship.com
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