Christian Living

Are You Ignoring the Fire Within You?

By Carol Pocklington

For many years I’ve been mentoring women, not just in their careers, but also in their life journey.

I’m often troubled by the number of times I hear a woman (of many different ages) tell me that they lack confidence. Low self-esteem has become the number-one issue plaguing women.

Sadly, today there are hundreds of subtle ways, our culture, our families, our friends conspire to undermine our confidence. We allow our thoughts to tear down our feelings of self-worth. Maybe we have not grown up in an atmosphere of encouragement, and respect. We are, now more than ever, bombarded by what confidence should look like. But in our hearts, we know it isn’t real.

How do we find our way to the truth of what confidence is? How do we reignite the fire that is in us? We were all born with a destiny. We were all gifted to be able to do anything our hearts desired. So, what went wrong?

I spend time with women who graciously allow me into their hopes and dreams, only to find the fire that once existed in their spirit has been quenched by life itself.

Somewhere they believed the lie that resulted in them losing their confidence. Very often even their passion for life. But here’s the good news, women are extraordinarily competent, the world needs them. Society needs them.

Interestingly women who lack confidence don’t realise that the women they admire from afar, who are confident and successful have simply learnt this truth. They know they are competent to perform whatever they turn their hands too. This knowledge is powerful enough to change self-sabotaging behavior and gain the confidence they need to get ahead.

Sounds simple – I know it’s not. But whatever you do each day, do it with excellence, not to show off, but just to confirm to yourself that you can.

Women who are truly confident and happy with themselves unconsciously and positively affect other women around them. If you want to become more confident, spend time with such women. Get to know their stories. Many will have been where you are right now. Ask them how they built their confidence.

Even now I can hear you saying something like…. well they’re too busy to talk to me!!! Trust me, confident women who have a fire within them will always spend time with you. They like nothing more than seeing another woman become successful.

Even if your experience has been different to this, the confidence you think they have is surface level only.

Really confident women carry it lightly. And they are probably more likely to seek you out because they see the “I lack confidence sticker’ you wear and want to build you up and encourage you.

But what is self-confidence? It’s not rocket science. It’s simply a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.

My opening task for the women I mentor is this. Find a journal, diary or notebook you used as a young girl. Check out what your hopes and dreams were then. Ask a relative or close family member what you said you wanted to be when you grew up.

Somewhere in that treasure trove will be the fire that was put into you at birth. And finding it again will be the first step to being a confident woman.

There are few things more beautiful on a woman than confidence. Women who wear it radiate strength, passion and conviction. When a woman knows who she is, why she is, and what she’s supposed to do – well that’s something special to behold.


Carol Pockington is a Human Performance Accelerator. She has worked with Hugh Massie since 2001 as the DNA Behavior concept was conceived. She works with people and businesses worldwide. Her real-world application of behavioural insights, gives her the capability to serve as a business strategist, coach, mentor, and trainer. She is also a prolific blogger, a public speaker and author, specializing in human behavioural insights.

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