Have you ever found yourself dissatisfied with your own life after looking at the woman’s next to you? Maybe you feel like she’s got it all together and you’re struggling to keep your head above water? Maybe you’re the only single in your squad but your desperate to be wed?
Maybe you’re working the same mundane job and it seems like everybody else is getting ahead? The truth is we can all look sideways and end up feeling inadequate, inferior and not enough.
The key to crushing comparison is to stop looking at her, and start looking at Him. When we look to the heavens we find a God who love us, knows us and affirms us.
The hack to being “secure” isn’t about being “better” than the girl (or guy) next to you.
It comes from basing your identity on His unchanging attitude towards you, not man’s opinion of you!
Psalm 139:13 (The Message) “You formed my innermost being. Shaping me delicately “inside” and my intricate “outside” and wove them all together in my mother’s womb. I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything you do is marvellously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it. How thoroughly you know me Lord. You even formed every bone in my body. When you created me in the secret place, carefully, skilfully, shaping me from nothing to something. You saw who you created me to be, Before I became me! Before I’d ever seen the light of day. The number of days your planned for me were already recorded in your book. Every single moment you are thinking of me!”
Whoever you are God knows you (regardless of if you know Him). You are not defined by your past choices, or your present circumstances. You are not a mistake. You are not second place, ugly or unwanted. It doesn’t matter if your parents planned you, God did. You are here for a purpose. You matter and your life counts. Visibility does not equal value.
Every achievement, accolade, title and success in this life is temporal. It may boost your ego for a moment, but if you’re insecure at the core of who you are, it will deflate just as quickly. Looks fade, bodies decay and fame eventually evaporates.
If we base our worth on fleeting things we will end up questioning it when they change, but if we look to Him we build our security on a foundation that cannot be shaken.
Is that an easy feat? Absolutely not. I know there are definite times in my life where I wished I was somebody else. But in those moments of insecurity and doubt I would speak to my soul and tell those nasty thoughts where to go! The bible tells us to take every thought captive. That’s requires our active participation not passive indifference.
Today we are exposed to media more than ever, and more than ever media is sending us the message that we aren’t okay the way we are. Although we know every image is filtered, retouched and photoshopped we still buy into to the lie that we have to fit a certain stereotype to be beautiful – big boobs, small waist, lush lips. Research has shown that just 10 minutes of browsing social media can cause us to be more negative about our bodies. Why? Because
We naturally compare ourselves to the most consistent images we see, so be intentional about what you look at! Focus on things that reinforce your identity, not undermine it.
Seriously gorgeous friend maybe it’s time to dump those gossip mags and unfollow those celebrity accounts you scroll through late at night? They’re not boosting your self-esteem, they’re sabotaging it. Nobody’s life is perfect, nobody has it all together and not even the most stunning supermodel is completely confident all the time.
I love the way Steven Furtick puts it, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” So often we can find ourselves riddled with insecurity and self-doubt because we focus so much of our attention on other people’s perfect lives and forget it’s not the whole picture. Instead of looking at their highlights, focus on your real life and recognise you are who are for a reason.
In the same way that what you feed your body either makes you healthy or sick, what you feed your mind either validates your worth or erodes it. Feed on the word of God, not the validation of man.
Philippians 4:8-9The Message (MSG) “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”
The truth is when we compare ourselves to the woman next to us it either elevates us or belittles us. We become proud or insecure. Neither of which are the heart of God. The truth is If we’re constantly competing and comparing ourselves with the woman next to us we’ll never champion and cheer her on the way we were supposed to! The world needs an army of woman that stop putting others down to make themselves feel better, but propels each other forward, hand in hand, side by side. Big people make other people feel big. Small people pull others down to make themselves feel better.
“Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate.” William Arthur Ward
Galatians 6:4-5 The Message (MSG) “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”
Beautiful woman stop looking at her, and just be you. Fix your eyes on what God says about you and all that He has called you to. God knew the world needed you exactly the way that you are. And remember:
It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks of you, it matters what you think of you.
Much love. Be blessed. Sabrina
Sabrina Peters is a Christian writer, an avid Sex & Relationships blogger and part of the team at Kingdomcity. She is married to Ben and mother to Liberty & Lincoln. www.sabrinapeters.com.