Character building | Family | Features | Grace | Jesus

Is it fair?

By Amanda Davison

Most of us had finished our plate of lasagna, but while my son was still using his fingers to pick out only the noodles, I told my six-year-old daughter that she needed to go upstairs to pick up her room. She melted and cried, “But that’s not FAAAAAAIIIIR!”

What a beautiful thing God gave us, this desire to seek what is right. After all, the Lord is a God of justice (Isaiah 30:18). But we often confuse justice with a selfish desire for fairness. ‘Fairness’ isn’t the justice that the Lord wanted us to be seeking. He wants us seeking justice for the orphan and the oppressed, the brokenhearted, the captives, prisoners, the weak, the fatherless, or for those who mourn. Not for the ones who have to do more housework than the others.

When it comes down to it, there is a whole lot I could say about the topic of housework. I could suggest making a list of all of the chores and agree on who is willing to take on new ones and trade old ones. I could suggest communicating about each partner’s needs and desires for what the housework will look like. We could even get into a discussion about roles and responsibilities.

However, it seems this would only complicate what the Lord simply asks of us.

It’s easy to be intimate after our spouse cleaned up after dinner and put the kids to bed. It’s easy to want to pick up after your spouse after your spouse spent a lot of time on a house project. And it’s easy to send your spouse loving texts or phone calls after they sent you flowers. This, as the Lord says, is easy to do.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.” Luke 6:32-35.

Let’s look at this scripture and make it personal.

If you love your husband who loves you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love husbands who love them. And if you do good to your husband who does good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you bless your husband from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners bless sinners, expecting to be repaid in full.

Is it fair that one spouse does more than the other? Is it fair that one does more and works at a demanding job? Or two? Is it fair? No, it’s not. But God doesn’t ask us to seek fairness. He asks us to be more like Him.

Be more like Jesus. Not more like Mr. or Mrs. Fair. Fairness steals your joy. So throw out your scorecard, your idea of how it could be more fair, and be more like Jesus.

How? Know his heart.

“Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…” Matthew 20:28.

Really? Jesus was not interested in what people did for him. He wasn’t interested in fairness. He simply wanted to serve. He didn’t complain, argue, or hold a grudge. He wasn’t resentful, he didn’t keep track, and he didn’t serve conditionally. He just served.

When you meet your Father, I’m pretty sure that you won’t want to give Him the excuse that ‘It just wasn’t fair.” I believe you will want to proudly say, “Lord, I did. As much time and energy as You allowed for me, I did all I could to bless those around me. I did it with a happy heart, and I did it all for You. Thank you for choosing me to care for Your people.”

My dream for your marriage isn’t one that is fair. The truth is, one WILL likely do more than the other. And there will be seasons where it is flip-flopped. Your spouse may not be interested in serving you selflessly, but you will answer for your actions when you meet your Father. My dream, is that every man and woman would be striving to be more like Jesus. To serve. Selflessly serve the people in our homes and around us. Let us look for ways we can help those around us. What else can I do? How can I help you? With our Father’s help, patience, and strength, we can all do it. And do it beautifully. What a beautiful picture our children, friends, and neighbors will see.
Lord, help us to have a heart like Yours, regardless of what our spouse does! We want to be more like You!

By Amanda Davison
I am a wife to a farmer and mother of three who when isn’t caring my tribe, spends my time teaching psychology, coaching wives, writing, and speaking. I am often shown the areas where God needs me to adjust so that I can obediently share with others. Please visit my website at for more encouragement!