Christian Living | Relationships | Singles

The road of singleness

By Amanda Seibel

Yes, it’s true I’m still young, just barely 21 to be exact. You may think I have no business writing on this subject. You may just be plain sick of the topic in general. Perhaps you feel like you’ve heard all there is to hear on singleness.

I won’t even try to pretend I have answers. That’s not my goal. I’m just starting down this journey and I can’t say I’ve faced the battles you’ve faced, or know what you’re going through. I don’t want to preach to you about what you should be doing and what you’re doing all wrong. I simply want to share what I’m learning myself on this journey and where God is taking me. So before you skip over just another article on singleness, give me a chance to attempt to encourage you on this road most of us have come to know so well.

When I was younger I used to watch girls that were older than me, close to the age I am now, and often I didn’t like what I saw. Many times I saw girls that once were full of joy slowly loose that joy. I saw girls discontent and subtly turning bitter. Girls that once knew what they wanted and were willing to fight for what they believed slowly let down their guard and allow compromise to creep in.

They did all the right things, had all the boxes checked, but to them it appeared that God didn’t hold up His end of the deal. After all, they’re still alone, they’re still single. I saw girls searching, trying, and slowly they were giving up.

I determined that I would never be that girl. After all, can’t they see how much they have to be grateful for? Can’t they see how beautiful their lives would be if they would just be content with where they’re at?

Well, now that a few years have passed, I get it. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not for one moment condoning this behavior. Not on your life. I’m simply saying, I see how it happens. I understand where things change.

I think I can safely say one of the things that surprised me the most about becoming an adult was the pressure to be in a relationship. You watch as friend after friend starts dating and eventually gets married. By the time you’ve been matched up a dozen times you start to wonder if maybe there’s something wrong with you, maybe you won’t ever have someone.

We hear how singleness is a gift, that Christ satisfies! We have no lack because Jesus fulfills! Many of us have become tired of hearing this over and over again since we aren’t seeing it as reality in our daily lives. But ladies let me tell you, the reason we don’t see it isn’t because it’s not true. It’s because we aren’t allowing it to become true.

God is not a liar and his promises are always true. But going down that path, allowing him to make it a reality in our lives, is the harder way. It’s easier to give into discontentment and bitterness. But sin is always going to be easier. To say no and pursue something more, that is when it gets tough. But though it gets tough, it is far from impossible. You see we aren’t left on our own.

God’s heart leaps for joy when we choose the harder way, the way less traveled. The moment we turn to him, he’s there, ready to take over. That’s when we see his promises are true. That’s when we see that no matter how long we go without, a few years or forever, we are never left empty.

Our gaze must never leave his face. For, where we are looking is where we will go. It’s easy to get caught up in things other than him. To look to relationships and weddings as the goal rather than Christ. But girls, let’s stop a moment and think beyond just this stage in life. Why waste the precious time we have on trying to control something so far out of our grasp.

He gave us a life to live and he wants us to live it! There are things to be done there are people to reach. There are memories to make and people to meet. Things like self-pity and bitterness have no place in our lives. He gives life, and life abundant!

When I was younger I would observe the girls that were older than me, girls that were single, girls that were “alone” from the worlds view. I saw a few of them living life well and let me tell you, although they were a rarity, they were radiant. Sure they faced difficulty and temptations were there, but they weren’t facing it alone anymore.

The moment they put their feet on that higher path they found a hand reaching out to lead them onward and a God ready to take over. They found the load was lifted and they no longer had to bear it. They saw beyond themselves to a world in need and they were ready.

If you’ve allowed your happiness to be caught up in a wedding ring or a cute little home of your own, let me remind you afresh; marriage or a family was never meant to be a goal. Though it’s beautiful, though it’s something to desire, we are first and foremost children of our beloved King Jesus.

He’s set us on this earth to accomplish something. That something is his glory. He’s given you tasks to accomplish for his kingdom and the day that you need a teammate in order to accomplish those tasks, he will not withhold it from you. Those who are his will never lack what He knows to be best.

Do you have girls in your life who are walking through singleness? Want to bless them like crazy? Here are a few ideas…

• Encourage them towards Christ rather than trying to find them the perfect man.

• Pray for them. The temptations are fierce and the enemy tries hard.

• Don’t lead them to believe that their value rests on whether or not they’ll be married someday.

• Take an interest in their lives further than wanting to know which guy they are interested in.

• To those married. Be a beautiful example of what a Christ focused marriage ought to be. Be a reminder that it is a beautiful thing when directed by God. Many have given up hope and have been turned off to it. They need that refreshing reminder.

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things.”
Psalm 107:9 ESV


By Amanda Seibel
Amanda is a freelance writer and passionate about savouring the everyday ‘ordinary’ moments. You can visit her blog

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