You’re not defined by your relationship status

By Sabrina Peters

Have you ever wondered why we call it status? I think for many of us that’s exactly what we get out of being in a relationship – status – and if that’s the case then we are in it for the wrong reason!

My friend Megan shares her story. Let’s go back to when it all started.


His name was Peter and we played catch most lunch times. He was officially my first kiss when, during assembly, he got up from his spot, walked over to me in front of the class and kissed me on the cheek. The teacher was not impressed and he was punished. I moved to another town and that relationship ended happily with no broken hearts!


His name was Max and this one ended badly. We went out for one night and I experienced my second kiss. Soppy, horrible passionate kisses that I regretted as soon as I arrived home! I ignored him after that night out of sheer mortification and didn’t tell a soul what had happened!


His name was Jake and this relationship catapulted me to popularity. He was the cute boy and “going with” him gave me instant status. This relationship went well for a year until Max decided to tell people about our special night of kisses. Not wanting to lose the popularity that my relationship status with Jake had garnered, I denied all knowledge of this ‘incident’ with Max. It came to a head one day when Max asked to meet me on the oval to question me about my denials… of course the entire grade 6 cohort came to the oval to watch, and in a panic of wanting to “shut Max up” I punched him in the face hard enough to stop him from speaking a word. This ended in the principal’s office with threats of expulsion, a trip to the hospital and a few weeks off school for Max and continued denials from me. Soon after, Jake “dropped me” for another girl and I felt nothing but relief.

The truth is, the day that I punched Max, something shifted in me and I decided that at 11 I was just too young for boyfriends (duh!). I went through high school with a best friend who dated every boy who showed any interest in her while I remained single. I used to wonder why she went out with some of these guys but I know now that it was simply an issue of status… in her mind it was better to be in a relationship with anybody rather than nobody.


His name was Trent and somehow I’d forgotten the lesson I had learned all those years before. At 17 I thought that it was somehow important for me to have a boyfriend. It was a matter of status. There was nothing about Trent except looks that attracted me. He was a 6ft 4 version of a young Tom Cruise. We really didn’t know each other well enough for this relationship to have any substance and things become purely physical pretty fast. I knew there was no way that I wanted to marry this guy but I’d began to feel the same way my best friend felt in school, that it was better to be in a relationship with anybody rather than nobody – and an anybody who looked like Trent was even better. When things ended six months later I was devastated. Breaking up was heart breaking. The truth is, I was more devastated about losing my relationship status than I was in losing Trent. For months I was sorely tempted just to call and reconnect with him because I wanted the status back that being in a relationship gave me. I’m so glad I didn’t.

Instead, I focused on God, church and friends. I decided that the next man I dated would be the man that I married – no pressure! One thing I didn’t want was to get completely carried away physically, so I prayed that I would become great friends with a guy first and then just fall in love with him. I embraced singleness with gusto and honestly had the time of my life. I threw away the idea that being in a relationship gave me some special type of status and just enjoyed the ride.


At 24 I began to have “feelings” for a friend – Danny. This took me completely off guard and I determined to ignore these ridiculous feelings as Danny was firmly cemented in my “friend zone”. After a year I finally prayed about it and mentioned Danny to God. I still didn’t feel any attraction to Danny so gave it to God and told him that if Danny was the one that I would go with it! Strangely, the next time I hung out with Danny something was different in me… I wanted him.

After a few weeks of dismal attempts at flirting, I finally told Danny how I felt and it was all on. Dating and not having sex was not easy, but delaying such intimacy gave us a chance to truly get to know each other without lust getting in the way and fogging up our judgment. Although we knew each other well as friends, we were able to work out as a couple each other’s faults and personality traits and decide if we could actually live with each other for the rest of our lives! I was 26 when we got married and we were both virgins. When it comes to sex, I’ve noticed God has actually blessed us in this area. I’ve known so many couples who fight about sex and complain sex has lost its spice once they were married, while my husband and I have always felt very in tune and blessed in this area.

We’ve now been married for 13 years now and have a couple of kids. The best thing I ever did was to give up wanting status through relationships and give it over to God. Seriously, God knows what he is doing. – Megan

So whether you are single, dating, engaged, married or divorced, you are not defined by your relationship status. Live free, live happy and live complete in His love for you.


Sabrina Peters is a Christian writer, an avid Sex & Relationships blogger and part of the team at Kingdomcity. She is married to Ben and mother to Liberty & Lincoln.